The End of Everything
by TashaLaw
Summary: Kate knew that Castle would never get over it, would never forgive her for letting this happen. She had to get Alexis back safely. Nothing else mattered.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The End of Everything

**Summary: **Kate knew that Castle would never get over it, would never forgive her for letting this happen. She had to get Alexis back safely. Nothing else mattered.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Castle, nor do I profit monetarily from this story.

**Spoilers:** Picks up after Always.

**Rating:** T for some violence, language

**A/N: **Reviews are always appreciated.

* * *

She spent two days at the loft. Two days of glorious hedonistic sensuality as she and Castle finally gave into the sexual tension and affection which had grown stronger between them with each passing year. Two days of waking up in his bed to the smell of coffee and bacon rather than the drone of her cell phone informing her of a body drop.

Two days of trying to make up for everything she had done wrong in their partnership, for the lies and silences and lack of trust. Two days of just being with him and letting him be with her, whether they were wrapped up in sheets in the bedroom or cuddled innocently together on the couch watching a movie with Alexis and Martha sitting nearby.

They were the best two days that Kate could remember.

So of course, it could not last.

The afternoon of the third day, the spell was broken by the chime of her cell phone indicating a new text message had been received. Luckily, Castle was in his office furiously writing a chapter for his next book when she opened the message or she never would have been able to keep from him the horror that washed over her features when she read the text.

**We have Alexis Castle. Contact the police and she dies. Tell Richard Castle and she dies. You will be contacted with further instructions.**

She stared at the message for several moments in blind, freezing terror. They took Alexis. They took Castle's daughter, his only child, pride and joy, his entire universe. They took her and she couldn't even tell him.

She looked up and towards his office, the door mostly shut but cracked a little. Of course, sound would carry through the open bookshelves making any kind of serepticious conversation impossible.

Her mind racing, Kate took her cell phone and went out to the hallway outside the loft. Her first action was to call Alexis. Maybe it was a hoax, a terrible joke someone was playing and the girl was actually safe and sound at the friend's house where she was supposed to have spent the night . But with each ring of the phone pressed tightly to her ear, Kate's heartbeat sped up a little faster. On the last ring, before going to voicemail, it picked up.

_"Kate?"_

It was Alexis' voice and Kate put a hand over her pounding heart at the sound. She could have cried with relief. However, her elation was short-lived as the familiar voice of Cole Maddox, the man she had fought with on that rooftop two days earlier, said, _"Detective Beckett. Consider that a proof of life. If you wish to see Alexis Castle alive again, you will follow my instructions exactly. Do not contact the police. Say nothing to Richard Castle. In a few moments, you will be sent an address. Meet there in exactly one hour. If any of these conditions are violated, the girl dies."_

The phone call ended before Kate could say anything. She stared at her cell for a long second as her mind raced. She had to tell Castle. How could she not? But the instructions from Maddox were clear. Say nothing to him or Alexis would die.

No, she could not risk it.

A moment later her cell beeped with a new text message. The address he provided was across town. It would take her most of the allotted hour to get there, especially in afternoon traffic. She did not have a moment to lose.

Grabbed her keys and wallet from the loft, she paused for a moment to look once more at Castle's office door. He had no idea what was going on, still typing away on his laptop keyboard. She knew she should tell him, knew he deserved to know the danger his daughter was in. But fear gripped her like a vice - what if she was being watched? What if they really did kill Alexis?

It had to be the shooter, the man she had fought on the roof. No other explanation made sense. They had kidnapped Alexis to get to her, which mean that if anything happened to the girl, it would be entirely her fault. Nevermind that Castle would never forgive her - Alexis' death would completely destroy him, hollow him out and end his existence as effectively as any bullet, bomb, or knife.

Kate absolutely had to get her back safely. Nothing else mattered.

She did not trust herself to tell Castle she was leaving. It seemed disingenuous to lie and say she was going to the store or to her apartment. He would see the panic on Kate's face and know that something was wrong. So with a heavily burdened heart, Kate left the loft without a word. She was halfway to the elevator before she stopped.

Knowing that she simply could not meet the kidnappers without backup, she quickly began to formulate a plan. She needed someone she could trust, someone who would not ask questions and would not call the police or tell Castle. And it was too dangerous to use her cell phone - they could have tapped it or might trace the calls.

Instead, she knocked on the door of Castle's neighbor, an older woman she had met in passing a few times in the hall and who remembered her as the detective Castle had based the _Nikki Heat_ books on. Upon hearing Kate's concocted explanation of a cell phone unfortunately dropped into a sink full of soapy water, the woman happily agreed to let the detective in to use her land line.

* * *

Kate arrived at the specified location with five minutes to spare. It was a run-down warehouse in an industrial area and she approached with caution. Automatically, she reached for her gun before remembering that she had turned it in to Gates along with her badge. Taking a deep breath, she let her eyes sweep across the area looking for anything out of place. After all, their whole purpose in kidnapping Alexis had to be to get to her. And they had shot Kate from a distance before, that day at Montgomery's funeral.

The entire venture was incredibly risky. They could shoot her, then Alexis, and leave them both for dead in this abandoned place. But as much as Kate hated the setup, she had no choice but to comply with the Maddox's demands. If that meant taking another bullet, so be it.

Suddenly, she heard a noise. It sounded like the ringing of a cellular phone. Following the ringtone, she spotted the phone nearby sitting on the top of a pile of wooden pallets next to the outside wall of the warehouse. Picking it up, she noticed that it was Alexis' cell phone. She hit a button to accept the call.

"This is Beckett," she answered, knowing full well who would be on the other end of the line.

_"Detective Beckett. So good to see you again."_

Maddox's voice made her skin crawl along with the hint that the man on the other end of the line had her in his line of sight.

"I'm not a detective any more," she snapped. "I quit the NYPD, along with the investigation into my mother's murder. There is no reason to take Alexis. Just let her go."

_"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, detective. You can have the girl back when we get the files."_

Genuine confusion hit Kate as she demanded, "What files?"

_"The files the man Smith was using as blackmail to preserve your life."_

She was growing angry. If they were going to kill her, they might as well just do it and let Alexis go. "I don't know anything about any files. Kill me if that's what you are going to do, just leave Alexis out of it. She has nothing to do with this."

_"So you would trade your life for hers?"_

He asked the question with almost whimsical amusement, as though he did not truly believe she would make such a decision.

"Whatever it takes. Just let her go."

_"If only it were that easy, Detective."_

Maddox remained quiet for several long moments, enough time for Kate to torture herself with half a dozen scenarios ending in the death of Castle's daughter.

Finally, he spoke again. _"Walk out into the open. Kneel on the ground. And place your hands behind your head."_

She followed each command with precision despite the fear racing through her veins. The position she was moving into was for an execution. They really were going to kill her.

Her breath was coming out in quick bursts as she waited for something to happen. The cell phone had gone dead as she began to kneel and was laying uselessly by her knees on the ground. So Kate sat there, her eyes darting anxiously around her field of vision as she forced her body to remain absolutely still.

Minutes passed and just as she wondered if he had left, or if he was just playing games with her, she saw a figure step out of the warehouse. It was Maddox, the man she had wrestled with on the roof, the man who took her down like a helpless child. And he was alone.

* * *

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: LoL, no this story is not a one-shot. I would not do that to you all. I anticipate it running a total of 6 or 7 chapters. As a warning, this chapter has some violence.

Thanks for all the reviews and feedback!

* * *

A few hundred feet away on top of a neighboring building, Esposito sat looking through the scope of a rifle. It was not the best weapon for this type of work, but he had limited options on such short notice. Besides, Beckett's plan did not involve him shooting at all, only acting as a lookout in case things went south. He had brought the gun all on his own when she called him about Alexis.

_"Espo, I need a favor,"_ she had said, sounding more frantic than he had ever heard her.

"Yeah? What kind of favor?"

While he did not exactly resent her for what went down with the secret investigation and Gates suspending them, the fact that she had just thrown in her badge like it all meant nothing to her - that irritated him. Of course, what Ryan had done angered him more. The man was supposed to be his partner, to have his back, even when everything hit the fan.

Kate continued,_ "Maddox has Alexis. She spent the night at fa riend's house and he must have grabbed her off the street. I'm supposed to meet him in an hour or he'll kill her. No cops. No Castle."_

He immediately understood why she had called him. While technically he was still a cop - a suspended cop, but still a cop - Beckett knew that she could count on him for anything. He took note of the address she gave him.

_"And Espo... no matter what happens to me, you just get Alexis out of there."_

"And what if he tries to kill you again? Do you really expect me to just stand by and watch?" he demanded.

_"Yes."_ She was adamant. _"We don't know if he is working with someone else or on his own. But I'm the one he's after. I just need you to get to Alexis if anything happens to me."_

Understanding her need to protect the girl, Esposito grudgingly agreed, although he did not like it. He did not like any of it. After everything that had happened, Maddox had taken Alexis to get to Beckett. Geez. It wasn't bad enough the man had shot Kate in the chest or thrown her off a roof. Now he was pulling Castle's family into this?

Spying through the scope of the rifle, he watched Beckett's car pull up just as he got into position. There was no other movement around the warehouse, although he had not suspected there would be. The guy that got the drop on them was good, definitely professionally trained. But kidnapping Alexis? That smacked of sloppy desperation. Hopefully he would trip up, and when he did, the suspended detective would get him.

Esposito observed Beckett get out of her car and walk into the open. He wished she wouldn't expose herself like that, but he also knew she would do anything to get Castle's daughter back, including trade herself. She had been very clear about that point on the phone. He was only there to make sure Alexis got out.

Beckett must have heard something because she walked to some nearby crates and picked up an object - a cell phone. She talked on it for a moment, listened to the person on the other end of the line. And then she walked back out to the open area and very deliberately got down on her knees and, placing the phone on the ground, she put her hands behind her head.

Oh. Hell. No.

His grip on the rifle grew tighter as his eyes narrowed. There was no way he was letting this guy execute Beckett. No way.

Then the man appeared, walking out of a side entrance of the warehouse. Maddox had a gun in hand but he did not raise it. Esposito kept his sight on the guy, wishing he could just pull the trigger and be done with it. But there was no telling where Alexis was or if the man was alone.

They needed help. If Beckett and Castle's daughter were both going to make it out alive, he had to do something.

With a frustrated growl, Esposito took his hand off the trigger and picked up his cell phone. Without hesitation, his fingers hit one of his speed-dial numbers automatically and a moment later the person on the other end picked up.

"Ryan...? Yeah, no time. You know how you brought in the calvary for Beckett before? I need you to do it again -_right now_."

* * *

"Where is Alexis?" Kate demanded, although she remained in that kneeling position, her hands locked behind her head. Maddox walked towards her. She eyed the gun in his right hand, but he did not bother to point it at her.

His voice even and professional, he stated, "Give me what I want and I'll tell you where the girl is."

"I don't know where those files are," she repeated.

"I assume you know what's in them."

Remembering what little Castle had told her, she supplied, "Information damaging to the man who had my mother murdered."

This answer produced a partial laugh from the assassin. "Yes, something like that."

"From what I understood, a man named Smith had them," Kate said, hoping to push the man's attention away from her and the Castle family.

"He may have had them at one time, but not any more." The words were succinct, and Kate suspected that if she survived this confrontation she would be reading about a murder of the elusive 'Mr. Smith' in the newspaper. "I want those files, detective."

"I don't have them. If I did, I would give them to you."

"Are you sure about that?" Maddox asked. "Cause I think you'd take them to the police, try and be a hero and get justice for your dead mother."

Ignoring the way his words made her blood boil, Kate shook her head. "Not while you have Alexis."

"Is she that important to you?"

"She's innocent. She doesn't deserve to be pulled into this."

Maddox declared, "No one is innocent, Detective."

"Stop calling me that," Kate snapped. "I told you before, I quit the force. I stopped investigating this case. I'm not a threat to you or your employer."

His hand holding the gun twitched a bit as he argued, "You know too much."

Kate nearly shouted in response, "I don't know _anything_. You were the last lead in this case. You are a bigger threat to your employer right now than I am."

He was close enough to hit her, and the blow to her face came as no surprise. A second hit from the butt of the gun knocked her off balance. Wanting to fight back but afraid to jeopardize Alexis, wherever she was, Kate just let herself fall to the asphalt ground. She had already learned that she was no match for this guy physically. What if she fought back only to lose again and thereby endanger the person she had come to save?

Then came the kicks, hard and fast - to her stomach, her side, her back, her legs - wherever he could reach. Maddox aimed with the knowledge of exactly where to target the human body to inflict maximum damage.

She curled into a ball with her arms shielding her head, angry at being so impotent to protect herself. Pain blossomed all over her body as the man's foot continued to make contact, and it especially hurt when he managed to land a blow on an older bruise. After a while, she wondered if this was really how it was going to end. Rather than use a bullet again, he was simply going to kick her to death.

But finally, a moment later, Maddox took a step back, leaving her lying there on the ground, blood trickling from her mouth as every other part of her body screamed with pain.

"I'm going to find those files, Detective," he informed her, and the way he said it, she realized that whatever information they contained was the only thing keeping her alive at that moment. "If I find out you have them and lied to me... If I find out you are even _looking_ for them... I will not only kill you, but everyone close to you. Your father. Richard Castle, his daughter, his mother. Everyone. Do you understand?"

Kate nodded mutely, her spirit completely broken by the threat. She had been willing enough to carry on the fight when it was just her life at stake, but her close encounter with the ledge of a roof had dampened that ardor. Dying for her cause would not bring her mother back. It would not even give her justice. And now, confronted with this other consequence of her vendetta, Kate could think of nothing more important than protecting those she loved.

"Do you understand?" he repeated, the words breaking his calm facade. He kicked her again, angrily.

Gasping, Kate managed, "I understand."

Her words were almost drowned out by the sound of sirens in the distance. The man looked up, then back at her in fury. "You were told what would happen if you called the police."

"I didn't call them!" she protested. Then, gripped by panic, she called out, "Where is she?"

But Maddox was already moving, taking off in a dead run in the opposite direction from the warehouse. Within seconds, he had disappeared around a corner.

Kate pushed herself into a sitting position, but she had trouble getting to her feet. As the sound of the sirens drew nearer, she forced herself onto her hands and knees, gritting through the pain as she ignored whatever injuries she may have sustained. She crawled awkwardly to the stack of crates and used them to haul herself to her feet. Limping heavily and leaning on whatever she could, Kate moved towards the warehouse.

Her heartbeat racing, Kate struggled to hold onto hope as she approached the warehouse door the man had exited from. The inside was dark and smelled of old machinery, but she forced herself to enter, warry of any accomplices Maddox may have left behind.

As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she saw a figure about twenty feet away - a body tied to a support beam but slumped to one side.

Kate moved without thinking as she recognized the red hair. It was Alexis.

* * *

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **I really appreciate the reviews!

* * *

Kneeling next to the girl, Kate immediately felt for a pulse, noticing as she did so that Alexis' arms were tied behind her and firmly secured by rope to the bottom of the support beam. Duct tape was over her mouth and eyes, but she was awake and breathing.

At the feel of Kate's hand, Alexis squealed and attempted to pull away, apparently afraid Maddox had come back for her.

"Alexis," Kate said, her name coming out like a plea. The teenager stopped struggling and lifted her head slightly at the sound of the familiar voice. "It's okay. You're safe now. I'm going to take this tape off."

She peeled it off the girl's eyes first, then carefully from her mouth. Alexis looked up at her, terrified.

"Kate," she cried, then looked around in desperate fear. "He was here. He said he was planning to kill you."

"He's gone," Kate assured her. Struggling with the knots, Kate untied the rope from the girl's arms as she told her, "It's going to be okay. You're safe. I've got you."

As soon as she was free of the bindings, Alexis threw her arms around Kate, her tears coming unbidden, the fear and the horror of the experience too much. Kate held her tightly, so tightly, despite the pain. Relief washed away the adrenaline and brought home to her exactly how close they had come, how close they had both been to death.

"I was on my way home this morning," Alexis sobbed. "He just... he grabbed me off the street and brought me here. I didn't know what he wanted until I heard him on the phone with you. I didn't even see what he looked like."

"I'm sorry, Alexis," Kate said, rubbing the girl's back in what she hoped was a soothing manner. "This is all my fault, and I'm so sorry."

By then, the sounds of sirens were steadily replaced by the sounds of shouting voices, many voices, some of them familiar. Uniformed officers swept through the warehouse past them, securing the building even as Ryan and Esposito came into Kate's field of vision. Both detectives wore grim looks and Kate knew immediately that Maddox had gotten away again.

"Is she okay?" Ryan asked of Alexis.

"She's okay," Kate answered. Although her inspection of the young woman had been cursory, her only injuries appeared to be rope burn from where her arms had been tied.

"We've got an ambulance outside, just in case..." the Irish detective said. Behind him, Captain Gates entered the warehouse and stormed towards them.

"Alexis, why don't you go get checked out?" Kate suggested. "Kevin will stay with you the whole time."

The young woman's eyes were still full of fear as she asked, "What about you?"

"I'll be out in a minute. It's okay, Alexis. Go with Kevin and we'll make sure someone calls your dad to come get you."

Ryan took Alexis to get checked out by a medic, and the next few minutes were a haze of questions and answers as she explained the situation to an angry Captain Gates. Kate told her about the text message and the interactions with the kidnapper. The only thing she she left out was any mention of the files, saying only that Maddox had been looking for her. Following her lead, Esposito told Gates the rest from his perspective, from the moment he got Kate's phone call to his own call to Ryan.

Gates chided them both about not calling in sooner, but Kate just shook her head. There was no way she could have put Alexis at risk like that. She considered it pure luck that Maddox had run when he heard the sirens rather than finish them both off. Whether the older woman sensed her desperation or just knew there was nothing she could do to Kate because of her resignation, she let the matter drop with a stern reprimand.

Outside the warehouse, Kate leaned her weight against the metal siding as she watched a crime scene technician process the spot of her beating. The cell phone and a few drops of blood were the only indication that anything had happened there, but she knew Gates would be thorough.

Esposito approached her, having disappeared for several moments to check on Ryan and Alexis at the ambulance. And, as he told her, "I called Castle."

Nodding her understanding, Kate said, "Thanks, Espo. For everything. I really owe you one."

"More than one, but who's counting?" He grinned at her, then added, "You know I've always got your back."

"And you know I can never thank you enough."

"You can thank me by telling me what that guy wanted. I thought he was going to kill you."

She could see the discomfort in his eyes, his distaste at having to watch such a scene when she had expressly told him to do nothing. And she was not surprised that he had called Ryan.

"Me too," she confessed.

"Why didn't he?"

There was the $64,000 question. Why hadn't Maddox just shot her and moved on, especially when he heard the sirens? Why the beating?

"I guess it was a warning," she speculated. Having had the opportunity to move around more, she felt certain that while his kicks had been painful, nothing was broken. Of course, her left leg hurt - a lot - which made walking difficult. And the bruises would be both plentiful and colorful.

"A warning? Beckett, what the hell is going on?"

Kate looked to make sure no one else was within earshot before answering. She quickly outlined what she knew from Castle about Montgomery sending the files to Smith and Smith using them as blackmail to keep her alive.

"Seems like the deal is off," he said.

Nodding, Kate said, "The way I figure it, whoever killed my mom sent Maddox after Smith to get the files so they could come after me. That's why they broke into Montgomery's home, to find a lead on this guy Smith. But when Smith didn't have the files, Maddox came after me thinking I had them, or maybe I knew where they were. He used Alexis to make sure I'd come alone and probably to make sure I was telling the truth about not having the files. I don't think he's planning to actually kill me until he finds them."

"That's a big assumption," Esposito observed.

"It's the only thing that makes sense," Kate stated, frowning. "Otherwise, why go through all of this?"

She could tell the man wanted to argue about the subject more, but he dropped it. Instead, he told her, "When I got off the phone with Castle, I overheard Gates say she sent a unit by your apartment. Looked like someone broke in and tossed the place."

"Maddox must have done that earlier today looking for the files," Kate said, nodding in understanding. "But I was at Castle's loft, and when he couldn't get to me, he grabbed Alexis as collateral." Kate sighed deeply. "Espo, those files... he will kill to get them, already has."

"Just don't let it be you," he warned.

"I won't let it be Alexis or Castle," she vowed instead.

"So we need to be the ones to find them," the suspended detective said. "If Smith had them, he must have given them to someone he-"

"No," she responded immediately. "We aren't going after them.

"As soon as Maddox finds them, he's planning on killing you."

Kate shook her head. "If he thinks I'm looking for them, he'll go after Alexis again. And Castle. We can't look for them, Javi. If he finds them, he finds them."

Esposito seethed at her declaration. "Beckett..."

"I know this is hard, but we have to let it go. Anything we do right now will put them in danger. And we can't tell Gates about the files. I don't want anyone at the precinct getting involved in this."

"There's no reason to be a martyr, Beckett. We've all got your back."

She turned her gaze over towards the ambulance where Ryan was keeping Alexis company as she sat in the back of the bus, a paramedic dabbing some sort of ointment on her wrists.

"I think I've already put enough people in danger," she said quietly.

Before they could discuss the situation further, an officer interrupted them to take down Kate's statement. Esposito gave her an agitated but firm nod before walking back towards the ambulance where Alexis was getting checked out. He would keep her secret and support her priorities, even if he didn't like it.

As she answered questions from the officer assigned to take her official statement, Kate found herself waiting for Castle to arrive. Espo had called him so he would be there soon, as fast as his car could get across town. She still had no idea what to say to him, how to explain.

There would be no apologies. No amount of repetitions or heart-felt adjectives could ever make this 'sorry' enough. Because of her, his child had been taken, traumatized by a trained killer, her life threatened. Because of Kate, because of the vendetta she had restarted, the investigation Castle had begged her to stop, his only child had been kidnapped off the street at gunpoint and tied up in an abandoned warehouse.

Alexis was a strong girl. Despite the undeniable trauma, she would bounce back. But Kate knew that Castle would never get over it, would never forgive her for letting this happen. He was a father - how could he?

Once the officer had gotten enough information, he left her alone long enough for a paramedic to approach. The woman mentioned her black eye, cut lip, and the way she favored one leg, and she suggested that Kate get checked out. But when Kate's eyes swept back to the ambulance to see how Alexis was doing, she saw him.

Castle.

He was there, his arms wrapped around his daughter as the girl clung to him with abandon. Standing nearby, Ryan and Esposito were talking, undoubtedly filling him in on what had happened.

"I'm fine," she told the paramedic. "Just some bruises. I'll live."

There were surely more bruises to add to the collection from just a few days before. If she was honest, she may even have had a few cracked ribs. But none of that mattered. Despite her words to the contrary, she knew that she would _not_ live, not really, not ever again. Because worse than the pain of a fist or a boot or even a bullet through her chest was the look on Castle's face as he finally saw her, their eyes meeting as he looked at her over his daughter's shoulder as he held the girl in a desperate hug.

He looked so betrayed, devastated even. The fear he must have felt at getting the phone call from Esposito, even if it was followed immediately by the relief at knowing Alexis had been rescued unharmed... She could not imagine those emotions, but they showed on his face as he stared at her from fifty feet away.

She could never, ever forgive herself for her role in causing that expression.

Kate looked away first, back in the direction Maddox had run away. He was still out there, looking for these mystery files. He may even be nursing a grudge over the police having intervened despite his warning not to call them. Why he had left her alive, she had no idea. Perhaps her speculation to Esposito was true, that the man behind all this, the man who murdered her mother, perhaps he would not risk killing her until the files were found. But this Smith person did not have them, or at least he had convinced the shooter of that. And now, who knew where the files were? She had no intention of looking for them, not when her investigation had brought on this-

"Kate."

Warily, she turned at the sound of her name on his lips. The moment had finally arrived - the end of everything. She had enjoyed two days of being loved by Richard Castle, two days of finally feeling like she belonged somewhere, like she was with the person she was truly meant to be with. Two days of beauty and pleasure and love. Two days of giving in to four years of longing. Two days that were not nearly enough.

However, Kate knew those two days had almost cost Castle his daughter's life, their relationship having put Alexis at risk. And because of her, because of this war she had started, there would be no more days, no more nights together. There would be no more touches and kisses, no more of his voice in her ear or his words in her head. This was the end of the line, the end of everything. Kate knew she deserved to lose it all for putting his family in the cross hairs. And now she knew exactly what she was losing, making the agony even worse. Maybe she deserved that pain, but he didn't, not any of it.

"Castle..."

* * *

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** This chapter is probably a little angsty. Very hard to write from such an emotional, fearful context.

Would love to know what folks think. I really appreciate everyone's reviews thus far.

* * *

Castle stood just a few feet away, close enough to touch her if he wanted, but he held himself apart, his arms down at his sides like dead weights. Kate made no move to go to him, the restraint she enforced on herself almost painful. He looked so hurt, so confused and betrayed, and what could she possibly say to him?

"You left," he stated, emotionless. "You left and came here without saying one word to me."

"I had to," Kate began slowly, wanting him to understand. "Maddox said he'd kill Alexis if I told you."

She wondered how much Esposito had told him, how much the guys had filled him in on when he arrived.

"But why did he go after you? You gave up the investigation," Castle said evenly. Was that a question in his voice? Was he questioning whether she had actually given it up?

Oh. Maybe he thought she had lied to him, had told him she was done with it all while secretly continuing to look for her mother's killer. That he could suspect her of such a thing was jarring, but she could not blame him.

"I did give it up. Just not soon enough, apparently," Kate responded darkly. For the sake of giving him important information, she added, "He was looking for the files Montgomery sent to Smith. But he said Smith didn't have them."

Kate did not have to say it for him to understand - Smith was probably dead, and the knowledge of where he'd hidden the files had likely died with him.

Castle's eyes flashed with fear. "Then the deal Smith made is off."

"He kidnapped your daughter, Castle. I'd say the deal is off."

He nodded in a sort of haze. "And he used Alexis to lure you here thinking you might know where the files are hidden."

Looking away, she tried to keep a tight rein on her emotions. She was at least glad that Maddox didn't appear to know of Castle's involvement with Smith, with this deal that had been brokered. Not that it afforded him any protection, or his family...

"Castle, I never thought they would go after her. Never. I swear to you."

Castle stared at her, his face made of stone. She realized that it must sound like an excuse, like she was in some way trying to explain what she had done, asking for absolution. He had warned her and she hadn't listened, and Alexis had almost paid the price for her stubbornness.

As he looked at her, hesitant and uncomfortable, she realized that he did not yet know that she already understood the situation, that she knew this was the end. He was preparing to tell her that this was over, that she was unwelcome in his life. She was too great a danger to his family, to his daughter. God, his daughter. Every time she thought of Alexis tied up in that warehouse, she had trouble breathing.

But Castle hid his anger and resentment well. By the look on his face, he was going to try and let her down gently despite the feelings she could see him struggling to contain. She could spare him that, surely? No need to force him to break up with her in this awful place with his daughter and the guys just a few yards away.

"You don't have to say anything," Kate told him, wanting to make this as easy on him as possible. "I know, okay? I know."

He reacted, his expression splitting with a dozen emotions. "You know?" he demanded. He tried to say more but was too full of _everything_ to get any of it out. Watching his pain was horrible, and she regretted her choice of words. How could she know what he was going through? She couldn't, she just couldn't...

"I know this is my fault," Kate attempted anyway. "I said 'let them come,' and they did, Castle. I put Alexis at risk, all of you at risk. God, I should have listened to you. And if I hadn't come to you that night..."

She never thought she would regret that night, that wonderful first night together, but oh, she did. Putting the lives of Castle and Alexis in danger had been the cost, and those beautiful moments she and Castle had shared were not worth it. Not worth this agony on his face or the fear she'd seen in Alexis' eyes. Nothing was worth it, not to her, and certainly not to him.

"Maddox used her to get to me, and I know I can never make this right. Never. I know that, okay?" Her throat constricted as she spoke, and she fought the tears flooding her eyes. She would not break down in front of him. She would not do that to him. She had no right. "Castle, you have my word, I won't ever come near you again. And I will do everything possible to keep Maddox away from you and your family."

And then, as though she were in some kind of a dream, his hands were cradling her face and his mouth was on hers. The kiss was desperate and messy and Kate physically shuttered at the intensity of it, at the feel of him touching her again, this thing that she should not be experiencing. But he was kissing her, desperate and amazing and so bitterly wrong. Why... why was he kissing her?

Kate realized it a moment later as he broke away, just enough to rest his forehead on hers in a mirror image of that night at his loft just two days before. She realized that he did not understand. If Castle was kissing her, he had not yet grasped the complexity of this situation. He was in denial, not thinking clearly. She was responsible for his daughter being _kidnapped_, for her almost being _killed_. Every time she thought the words, it made her dizzy.

"Castle, don't," she started, tensing her muscles to pull away. He would regret touching her as soon as he truly understood, as soon as he saw reality. He would regret everything they had been to each other over the past two days, the past four years. He would regret while she secretly, selfishly cherished every second of their time together. She could live with his regrets. She could not live with his blood on her hands or the blood of his blood.

She really needed him to stop touching her, but he held onto her body with an iron grip.

"He kidnapped your daughter," Kate tried again to make him just _see_. "He took her to get to me. They threatened to kill her if I didn't come. He wanted those files, Castle, and he's still looking for them."

"Doesn't matter. You're both okay," he answered, shaking his head slightly, his hands still holding her tightly, his eyes still closed as his forehead rested against hers.

Wanting so badly to touch him back, to give him some physical comfort, Kate made herself grip his shoulders and force him away from her. He let her pull back a pace but moved his grip to her elbows, still anchoring her to him.

"Castle, he kidnapped _Alexis_," she said once more, meeting his gaze. He had to understand. She could see his eyes, so full of tears that they tore at her heart.

And now he was looking at her, really looking at her, and she did not see the revulsion in his eyes she had been expecting. He looked almost... It hit her as hard as the blows from the shooter, but he looked at her with... love. She had grown used to that look over their two days together, even over their four years as partners. Seeing it again was both amazing and heartbreaking. God, why was he still looking at her like that?

"You got her back," he answered softly. "You risked your life and you saved her."

Of course she had risked her life to get Alexis back. Did he really think she wouldn't have? Did he really think that of her, that she would have given less than everything to save his daughter?

The point he was missing was that Kate had put them all in danger to begin with. She had challenged the Devil and he had gone after her. All of this hell raining down on them was because of her, because of her selfish vendetta to find her mother's murderer.

"You can't... you can't forgive this," she said, barely getting the words out. "He took your child, threatened to kill her. This is unforgivable, Castle. You told me to stop and I didn't and he took your daughter to get to me."

Her voice was getting hysterical, she realized, and her fight against the tears was lost. They streamed down her cheeks and through the flood of them she could still see his eyes, still full of love for her. Why was he still loving her?

"Kate, what happened today is just as much my fault as yours. I re-opened this case even after you told me to leave it alone. This isn't your fault-" he tried, but the words burned her like fire. She wanted to scream. Why was he defending her? And why was he trying to take the blame?

"It is my fault, Castle," she interrupted, desperate to stop his line of thought. "He's still out there and he could go after her again. This is all because of me and you can't forgive me for this. I won't let you."

Kate tried to pull away from him again, needing to sever that contact, that touch she so wanted but could not have. It would have been so much easier if he had been angry, if he had yelled at her and blamed her for everything. God, he should despise the very sight of her. But he would not let go of her arms, and she was too weak from the beating she'd taken to fight him.

"It wasn't your fault, Kate."

Castle's words carried to her, but not his voice, and Kate looked to her right to see Alexis standing there, concern written on her face. The girl looked sound, unhurt by Maddox. Her eyes were still puffy and red from crying earlier, but the tears themselves had dried. And she seemed... determined.

"Alexis," Kate began, taking a halting breath, "You don't understand..."

"What I understand is that you came here ready to trade yourself for me," the young woman said. "I heard him on the phone with you. He told you to come and you came. And once he'd hung up, he told me he was going to kill you."

Kate wanted to run, to hide, anything to escape twin expressions of gratitude she could see on both of their faces, like what she had done was some sort of heroic choice. Choice had never entered into it. And she _hadn't_ traded herself for Alexis. If she had, then Alexis and her father would be out of danger and could go home, safe and secure. As things stood, there was still a man out there willing to do anything - including kidnapping an innocent young woman - to get what he wanted. And what he wanted was Kate, dead.

"He took you because of me," she said weakly. She looked at Castle, but he still wore that look of love and he still wasn't letting go of her arms, and- "This should never have happened to you, Alexis."

Alexis stepped forward, close enough to touch, and Kate flinched at the proximity.

"Kate, I'm fine. You came for me. Stop punishing yourself."

The words hurt. Castle's hands on her hurt, his fingers digging into her skin. The old and new bruises on her body and the open air around them - it all hurt, so much. She wanted the pain to stop, the agony of this moment to end. Because no matter what they said, no matter what they believed, she knew the truth.

She was going to get them both killed.

"Go home," she told Castle, holding his gaze for a long second. "Go home," she repeated. "Take your daughter and go home, Castle."

"You are coming with us," he said, but she resisted, physically resisted, and this time she was able to break free from him, stumbling backwards as he finally let go of her elbows.

She knew what he was offering. Castle had the money to get them out of the city, to fly them to some private island somewhere and make everything disappear. But it would mean them cutting off their normal lives, of Alexis losing her chance to go to Columbia, Martha giving up her acting school. And still, it wouldn't be enough - Maddox could still get to them, no matter where they went. They would live every moment with the possibility of death chasing them.

"I can't. Don't you understand? _He will kill you_."

It was a simple truth. Surely they must recognize that? Maddox would be coming back for her, and when he did, he would destroy anyone close to her.

"Kate, it doesn't matter where you are. He knows how you feel," Alexis continued. "He knows you love my dad, that you would do anything for him. And for me. Whether you are with us or not won't change that."

"Please, Kate," Castle added his own plea. "They said he hurt you, that you didn't fight back. Separating yourself won't make us safer."

The truth of his words hit her with stark clarity. Castle and his daughter would remain at risk, regardless of whether she stayed away from them or not. Maybe that was why he'd hurt her so much, kicked her so many times. Maddox was testing her to see if she truly would do anything, including trade her own life if necessary, to keep them safe. She had courted danger by going after the assassin and in the process she had thoroughly and completely compromised them.

"I'm so sorry," Kate said, the apology coming out as a strangled whisper. She could think of nothing to make this right.

* * *

tbc


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Thank you everyone for the reviews!

* * *

Despite her protests, Castle insisted on taking Kate to the hospital to get her checked out by a doctor. In a daze, she sat in the emergency room waiting area while he held her hand, her mind going in endless circles.

Once Maddox found those files, she would be as good as dead. But if she tried to look for them herself, the assassin would go after everyone she cared about. Her only choice was to wait, to hope that wherever those files were, they stayed out of Maddox's hands. In the mean time, if Maddox wanted to kill her, she would rather give him that opportunity openly than let him use others to get to her.

That meant she could not hide away somewhere. She had to live her life out in the open where she could be easily accessible. Every day, she needed to walk out into the world, alone, prepared for another sniper's bullet to take her out. Otherwise Maddox would go after Alexis again, or Castle, or-

Kate physically shuddered at the images her mind created.

Castle's hand touched her arm gently, reassuringly, and she forced herself to recoil from him. She still could not understand why he would continue to love her after everything that had happened.

"Sorry," she heard him say and she realized he must have assumed he'd hurt her with his touch.

"Please don't apologize to me," Kate said softly. "Not ever again."

"Kate-"

"Kate Beckett," the emergency room nurse called, interrupted him.

She quickly stood and followed the woman back into the hospital's warren of rooms and hallways. While Castle and Alexis waited for her, she let the emergency room doctor poke and prod her, asking her questions about what had happened and what hurt. Everything hurt, but examining her, the doctor determined that nothing was broken and she had no internal bleeding besides the bruising. He prescribed her painkillers and advised her to take it easy and use ice packs to help with the swelling. Catching a glimpse of Castle standing out in the waiting room, the doctor asked her quietly if she was safe at home.

"If he did this to you, you don't have to go with him," the young doctor told her. "We can get you help, call the police. There are services..."

God, on top of everything, they wanted to arrest Castle for domestic abuse?

"It wasn't him," Kate told the doctor. "And the police already know. I just came from the crime scene."

Just to ensure that there would be no suspicion on Castle, she wrote out the name and number for Captain Gates to confirm her story before giving the administration officials her supplemental insurance information and heading back to the waiting room.

The sight of Castle and Alexis sitting together, his arm wrapped around the girl in comfort, stopped her in her tracks. What Alexis had endured that day was unimaginable. Her own terror was nothing compared to what that girl's had been, kidnapped by a stranger and held against her will in an abandoned warehouse, not knowing why she had been taken or what would happen to her. And despite the logic and reasoning that they were in danger whether she was with them or not, Kate could not get it out of her head that she was a poison in their lives, an undeniable risk to both of them.

As she approached the father and daughter, Castle stood up and Alexis followed suit. "I'm fine," she told them. "Just some bruises."

"Is that your prescription?" Castle asked, gesturing to the script she clutched in her hand which the doctor had written for pain medication. "We can get it filled on the way home."

"I'll take care of it," she told them, hoping to sound casual. "You two should head home. I'll catch a cab to my apartment."

"But you're coming home with us," Alexis said, confusion and worry springing to life on her face.

Kate shook her head. "Probably best if I don't."

"Best for whom?" Castle cut in.

Her eyes could not meet his as she answered quietly, "If he comes back for me, it would be better if I'm alone."

"But you aren't going to be alone. Didn't Gates assign you police protection?" he demanded.

Captain Gates had tried to do just that, but Kate had refused. Obstacles between her and Maddox could prompt him to take Alexis again, or someone else she cared about. Not worth it.

"I'll be okay," Kate told him. Turning to the young woman, she said, "You don't need to worry about me."

"No, we already decided this," Alexis interjected, sounding slightly panicked at the idea of Kate going home to her apartment, alone.

Sensing how strongly she felt, Castle made one final plea, "One night, Kate. Please. Just one night. Tomorrow we can decide what to do next."

The way he looked at her, so imploring and helpless, made her heart break. Alexis also seemed on the verge of tears, and suddenly, she had a vision of how they would react if and when Maddox did get to her. Unconsciously, her eyes slammed shut at the thought of them blaming themselves. And Castle - God, Castle...

He was in love with her, had been for so long. He had given her so much and asked for so little in return. She could give him this, surely? This one thing he wanted, this one night. The likelihood of Maddox coming back for her so soon was low, so maybe she could...

"Just tonight," Kate allowed, although the fear ate at her.

* * *

After stopping to get her prescription filled, they took her back to the loft with them. Kate was too weak to fight their comforting words and the feeling of Castle's arm around her. Alexis soothed her with both voice and touch, holding her hand as they brought her into their home. Castle led her to the couch, pulling her down to sit with him while his daughter disappeared into the kitchen with a promise of food.

"Castle, please don't fuss over me," Kate said. "Your daughter was kidnapped at gunpoint today. You should be comforting her."

"I think I have enough in me to fuss over both of you," he responded before pulling out one of the pain pills and handing it to her with a bottle of water he grabbed from the fridge.

Kate froze as she accepted the pill. It would help with the pain, she knew, but it would also make her sleepy and dull her responses in an emergency. She simply couldn't risk it.

"I'm fine," she said, handing it back to him.

"Kate-" he began, but she cut him off.

"Really, Rick. Please stop worrying."

He did not answer, but rather he pulled her up from the couch and gently propelled her through the loft into his bedroom and beyond, to stand before the mirrors in his bathroom. The lavatory was large for a New York property, lavishly done with the reflective surfaces circling half the room. But Castle stood behind her, holding her upright with his strength as he forced her to meet her own reflection.

The skin around her left eye had darkened to an ugly shade of bluish black, one of her souvenirs from the day. Several other bruises graced her face, one high on her cheek and the other near her jaw. Her lip was puffy around the area where it had split, although it was no longer bleeding. Castle delicately pulled up the front of her shirt, and she saw the same colors reflected along her midsection.

"Esposito told me what he did," Castle said. "He beat you and kicked you, over and over, and you just lay there and took it, Kate."

Kate did not respond, merely stood mutely as he touched her with gentle hands, examining her body for further injury. He helped her out of her jeans and her undergarments, checking her as he went. The bruises were as extensive as she knew they would be, painting her skin in shades of blue, black, and purple. She trembled slightly at his touch, but instead of pulling away from him, she let Castle look over every inch of her body before redressing her in one of his oversized T-shirts and soft, baggy sweatpants.

"He had Alexis," she said finally. "You would have done the same."

Somehow, her statement earned her his lips on her shoulder, a gentle kiss pressed to a spot of unblemished skin as he wrapped his arms around her. She closed her eyes to the feeling, still not sure if she should be fighting him.

"You could have died today saving my daughter's life," Castle said, a statement of fact. She did not flinch at his statement, but rather nodded, and she heard his sharp intake of breath. As if realizing it for the first time, he asked, "You left here this morning expecting to, didn't you?"

She could not argue, could not lie to him with his face reflected in the mirror next to hers. She nodded, once.

"You would have let him kill you."

This time, Castle's words were a statement, not a question. So he finally understood. Good, that meant she would not have to explain it.

"He had Alexis. He had your daughter, Castle."

What more could she say on the matter? What more, besides-

"Castle, you have to know... I never would have come here that night if I had known they would go after her. I would never have purposely-"

But he was shooshing her, stopping her self recriminations with his lips on hers. His kiss was forgiveness and salvation, hope and happiness and every good thing in between. She knew what he was offering in that kiss, and she wanted it so badly. He swept her into his arms, holding her against his body, careful of her bruises.

"I'm so glad you did," Castle whispered softly.

She waited for him to say those three little words again, the ones she had been unable to face for an entire year. Part of her wanted to hear them, if only one last time. But another part of her dreaded having to give them up.

Instead, all he said was, "Let's get you something to eat. I'll run you a warm bath after dinner."

Then Kate let him take her back out to the living room, where Alexis was waiting for them with her grandmother, who had just arrived home after receiving a hurried phone message. Kate saw the two generations of women embrace, watched with Castle as Martha Rodgers cried into her granddaughter's hair and looked the young woman over for any injuries.

Then Martha noticed Kate standing there with Castle, and the actress turned kind, thankful eyes in her direct.

"Thank you, Kate," she said.

"Please don't," Kate began to protest, but Castle's arms around her suddenly made talking difficult.

He guided her to the table, just as Martha escorted Alexis with a firm arm around the girl's shoulders, and a few minutes later they were eating a myriad of items Castle and his mother managed to procure from the refrigerator.

At least, Kate tried to eat, to maintain that normalcy, but her stomach protested at the mere thought of food. It seemed like a lifetime ago that she had received that text message about Alexis, the threat that she had to take seriously. And here she was, less than twelve hours later, safe and secure in the home of the very people who's lives she had almost ruined. Kate really had no appetite.

But Castle was sitting next to her, and he watched her with undeserved detail, holding her hand at regular intervals when he wasn't reaching up to touch her face. He held out a fork for her, loaded with some sort of food, and she could not refuse him as he fed her, bite by bite.

"Will he be back?" Martha asked matter-of-fact once they had finished eating. They all knew who she was talking about - Maddox. He had gotten away and Castle's mother was simply voicing the obvious question, would he come back to finish what he had started?

"Yes," Kate said without hesitation. "I don't know when, but he will be back. That's why-"

She had been about to say, 'That's why I have to leave.' But Alexis interrupted her.

"That's why we'll be ready."

The newly graduated young woman met Kate's eyes across the table, blue and strong and resistant to the same forces of evil that Kate regularly faced.

"We'll be ready for him, Kate," she said again.

* * *

tbc


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I appreciate the reviews and feedback from everyone!

* * *

"Castle, this person had my mother killed by a contract killer. When Raglan tried to tell me the truth, he had him killed. He had Lockwood transferred out of solitary to kill McCallister, and then he had him broken out a _courthouse._ The only reason Lockwood didn't get to me was because Montgomery sacrificed himself."

She did not mention Castle's role in saving her life that night, the way he had literally lifted her off her feet and carried her out of the hanger kicking and fighting him.

"Now Maddox is coming after me - the same man that shot me, Castle, in the middle of the day in a cemetery full of cops before he got away clean. He already kidnapped Alexis and probably killed Montgomery's friend, Smith." Kate took a deep breath, having gotten worked up. "Tell me how this is supposed to end well, Castle. Because from where I'm standing, the man behind all this is as powerful as he is ruthless. And he isn't going to stop."

This speech was the exact opposite of the one she had made to him just a few days before, the one in which she had dared them to come after her. She could never regret those words enough. They played over and over again in her mind, torturing her with her own hubris.

The two of them were alone in his bedroom, his mother and daughter having retired to their own rooms. The subject had come up as they discussed Alexis' declaration that 'they' would be ready. Kate told Castle succinctly that there was no 'they,' that she could not involve them in her fight. But rather than staying and fighting, Castle had suggested that they all the leave the country for a while, the four of them, and let the mess with Maddox blow over.

"I can't just interrupt your lives like that," she argued. "Alexis is starting college in a few months. Your mom has her acting school. You have a book to finish. We can't just run off somewhere, Castle. And if we did, Maddox would probably follow us anyway."

His eyes flashed fiercely as he responded, "I'm not going to let him kill you, Kate."

"You can't protect me."

"I can't or you won't let me?" he challenged. "If we stay in New York, I can hire bodyguards for all of us."

Sighing, Kate wanted to argue that bodyguards could not defend against sniper bullets. She wanted to point out the danger his daughter was still in, the danger Kate had put her in. But she had been telling him this all day and he still would not accept it. He would not accept that keeping his family safe meant letting Kate go. He could not protect _her_, not without putting the rest of them at risk.

"Maybe we should talk about it in the morning," she suggested finally. She hoped he would not see the resignation in her eyes or sense the abiding fear she carried in her heart.

He took her hands in his, tugging her gently towards his bed. Once she was under the covers with him, he wrapped himself around her, each arm and leg positioned carefully so as not to impact a bruise or injury. The resulting position must have been uncomfortable for him, an unnatural folding of limbs. But Castle sighed in what she thought was contentment but a moment later realized must have been relief.

"When Esposito called me, I thought it was a joke at first," he said quietly.

Kate felt her body stiffen at his words even as he placed a soothing kiss to her cheek.

"I thought you were messing with me since I'd spent half the day writing," he went on.

"I would never, ever play such a cruel joke," Kate stated.

"I know that. I suppose I was just hoping... I can't believe I was so absorbed in writing to not even realize that you were gone or that Alexis wasn't home yet. I searched the house while I was on the phone with Esposito. I was hoping the two of you were hidden away in a closet somewhere and all of it was just a big mistake."

"But he told you everything was okay?" she pressed. "He told you we got Alexis back, right?"

"Yes. I was just... I was frantic. I could barely drive. And then when I got there, I didn't see you at first."

Kate pictured him at the ambulance with his daughter in his arms. She remembered her own dread of that moment, her absolute certainty of his rejection.

"And that's when they told me about what Maddox had done to you." She felt his arms encircle her just a little more tightly and did not mind the discomfort the pressure put on a particularly deep bruise on her arm.. "Kate, I couldn't breath. I couldn't think. I just... Alexis was safe but you were hurt..."

She could hear in his voice the tears beginning to form in his eyes, and Kate shushed him. "It's okay," she said. "I'm okay, and so is Alexis."

"You could have died, Kate," Castle said. "He could have killed you. You know, I couldn't take it if..."

The pain in his voice cut her deeply, especially because she knew there was no way to shield him from such hurt in the future.

"Everything's going to be all right," she tried to reassure him, even though she did not believe her own words.

Sensing her hesitancy, Castle whispered one request. "Please stay?"

He could have meant for the night or forever, she did not know. Forever was a tantalizing dream she had to push from her mind.

"Just sleep," she told him.

* * *

Kate tried to spend the night in Castle's bed, she really did. But she slept little, her mind too busy turning over everything which had happened in the last week. She still could not reconcile the fear that had coursed through her at that first text message informing her Alexis had been kidnapped. It was an experience she could not repeat, a risk she could not take again.

Giving in to Castle's request to stay had been a mistake, she knew, a choice born of emotion rather than rational thought. Even if they were still at risk, that risk had to be lower if she was not with them. If Maddox came for her, she did not want them standing between her and the assassin.

She extracted herself from Castle's arms with slow, delicate movements, not wanting to wake him. Quietly, Kate slipped out of bed and made her way to the bathroom in search of her clothes. She shut the door but changed in the dark, not wanting to wake Castle with the sliver of light under the door. Besides, she did not want to see her reflection in that mirror again, not without Castle standing behind as a silent and steady champion.

Castle.

What would she do without him? How could she possibly survive now? The quest for her mother's murderer was gone. Her job was gone. And now this wonderful, beautiful new relationship was about to end just as tragically. For Castle's own good, she had to walk out that door and stay as far away from him and Alexis and Martha as possible. She just had no idea what she was going to do after that.

Holding her shoes in one hand, Kate quietly stepped back into the darkened bedroom and tip-toed across to the door. She could see Castle asleep in the bed, his arm now stretched out to the spot she had inhabited a few minutes earlier as though even in sleep, he missed her. It occurred to her that this was the second time in one day she would be walking out on him without a word, and this time, it was by her own choice. Not that she really viewed what she was doing as a choice.

Once in the living room, Kate headed for the front door, intent on putting her shoes on in the hallway before leaving the building. But she was stopped mid-way by a voice from the relative darkness of the kitchen.

"Sneaking out, are you?"

Kate froze at Martha's question but did not turn to look at her. "You know why I can't stay," she said.

Castle's mother was a smart woman with many life lessons under her belt. She was also not so blind by love for her as Castle was to keep from seeing the danger she presented to all of them.

"Actually, I'm a little fuzzy on your logic. Why don't I make us some coffee and you can explain it to me?"

"Martha-" Kate began, but she was cut off.

"If you're worried about those two, don't be," she interrupted, waving a hand upstairs and towards Castle's room. "They'll be asleep for hours. You'll still have plenty of time to sneak out later if that's what you're determined to do."

Castle's mother had already turning on the light and started the coffee maker as Kate slowly made her way to one of the bar stools with the timid speed of a wild animal afraid of sudden movements. While the coffee brewed, Martha stood in comfortable silence just regarding the former detective. And once it was finished, she poured them both a cup of the warm substance.

Setting the mug in front of her, Martha said, "Okay, now why don't you tell me why you can't stay?"

Kate sighed, but realizing she deserved to at least give this family an explanation, began, "The man who kidnapped Alexis, he took her to get to me. And he's still out there. And he isn't going to stop until I'm dead."

The actress knew all of this already, but restating it simply helped Kate to keep her focus.

"Then why didn't he kill you today? Richard said he had ample opportunity."

"He will," Kate responded, swallowing as she predicted her own demise. "As soon as he finds the files he's looking for."

"The files that man was using as blackmail to protect you?" she inquired. "Well if he doesn't have them, maybe he won't find them."

"There's no way to know that, Martha. And when he comes back for me, he isn't going to be worried about collateral damage."

"Even though you've stopped investigating the case?" she pressed. "It seems more likely that without the files and without you actively searching for the truth, they may just leave you alone."

Kate shook her head, unwilling to concede that point. "That's too big a gamble. When he took Alexis, he made this about more than just me. He even told me... he said if he found out that I have the files, or if I so much as look for them, that he would come back and..."

She shuddered, unable to get the rest out. But Martha understood. She expected the actress to react differently, to show some sort of shock or fear. But if Martha felt those emotions, she put her lifetime of training to work in hiding them. Instead, she merely said, "So clearly it doesn't matter whether you are here or not. So why leave?"

The argument was the same one Alexis had made - they were already at risk because of her. Would leaving really provide them any added protection? That point of view felt like too easy of a way out, a reason to do what she wanted rather than to do what she _should_.

"If I stay..." Kate trailed off before adding, "I would rather die than see anyone in this family hurt."

She remembered the moment the morning before when she had read the text from Maddox, that horrible feeling of responsibility and guilt washing over her. She knew that bad things happened to people all the time. She dealt with death every day. Her own mother had been murdered, stabbed to death. But it was different to be the cause, the reason behind those bad things. And the thought of anything happening to one of them...

"Would it hurt any less if you were alone? If something happened and you weren't here, would the pain be less?" Martha asked. Kate shook her head. "Then stay. You don't know what it will do to Richard and Alexis if you leave like this."

Taking in a shuddering breath, Kate actually considered the other woman's words. Alexis wanted her to stay, had said as much. And Castle... she would be leaving him after only three days together. Three days, after waiting for her for four years... How could she do that to him? Especially when he had already said he was willing to take the risk.

And a thought suddenly came to her, much as it had that night sitting on the swings in the pouring rain. It was still possible for her to have that happiness she wanted. She could still get it. Maybe. If she was careful, if she did nothing else to instigate a war... maybe she could just be with Castle and they would let her go?

Maybe she could have that shot at happiness after all.

It was so difficult to give up all hope, to resign herself to death. Part of her knew she should, that there was no point resisting Maddox and his employer when they already knew how to get past her defenses. But at the same time, she just couldn't give up. Admitting defeat completely went against her nature.

"You don't have to decide tonight, you know," Martha told her, reaching a palm across the island to pat Kate's hands in a motherly manner. "Give yourself a few days, if only to heal. You really took a beating today, didn't you, dear?"

Kate's entire body ached from where the man had hit and kicked her. She had barely allowed herself to feel the pain earlier, too wrapped up in Alexis and Castle and this decision she thought she'd made. In addition to the pain, she was just so exhausted - physically and mentally. As much as she wanted to close her eyes and sleep, she desperately wanted to let someone else make some of the decisions about what she should do. And Martha's words made a lot of sense. She did not have to decide this moment. She could take some time and heal.

"Thank you for the coffee, Martha," she said with sincerity. For a moment, it felt almost like having a mother again.

"You go off back to bed now and get some rest," Castle's mother told her but made no move to go to her own room.

"What about you?"

Martha smiled in that comforting, maternal way before taking a sip of her own coffee. "I think I'll stay up for a while. Keep an eye on things."

And then it occurred to Kate what the other woman was doing in the kitchen in the middle of the night - she was keeping watch.

Amazingly, the realization brought Kate nothing but relief. She was not in this alone. While she had been so worried about protecting this family, she had forgotten about their ability to protect and look out for each other. They had been doing it for years, after all, through both Martha's notoriety and Castle's fame.

It wasn't enough to completely alleviate her fears, but it did make her feel a little better.

"Thank you, Martha," she said, flashing her a smile before walking back towards Castle's bedroom.

"Kate..." She turned back, and the other woman's eyes were full of emotion. "Thank you for today, for bringing Alexis home."

Without hesitation, Kate responded, "Always."

* * *

Across the street from Castle's building, an unmarked car was parked unobtrusively under a large tree. The sole occupant sat low in the seat, high enough to maintain a visual but not so high as to be immediately noticable by passersby.

Beckett had not asked Esposito to guard the loft, but he felt better keeping an eye on things. Alexis' kidnapping had put everything into perspective. Besides, with his two month suspension from the NYPD, he did not have a whole lot else to do.

A moment later, the passenger side door opened, but Esposito did not look in that direction until he heard it close again. "All clear?" he asked.

"All clear," Ryan responded, having just gotten back from a circuit around the building.

They sat quietly for a moment, although the partners felt the tension in the car. After a while, Ryan spoke again.

"So are you still mad at me?" he asked. He had hoped that his assistance with bringing the calvary to the rescue would be enough to end this dispute. But his friend still acted cool and stand-offish.

"Yep," was Esposito's concise reply.

"You know why I had to tell Gates. You had to do the same thing today with Beckett and Castle's daughter."

"Still mad."

Ryan pressed, "But you at least understand, right? I mean-"

Irritated, the other man interrupted, "I understand, but I'm still mad, bro, so just drop it for right now."

The response made Ryan smile just a little to himself. Not because Esposito said he understood, and not because he'd received more than a two-syllable response. But because he'd said 'bro.' That meant everything was going to be okay between them. Eventually.

"I thought Beckett refused police protection," Ryan remarked several long moments later. After wrapping things up earlier at the warehouse, Esposito had called him and told him he planned on doing surveillance at the Castle residence. Of course, Ryan had jumped at the chance to try and mend things with his partner.

"Well, I'm not an official police officer right now, am I?" Esposito shot back. "Besides, Beckett only refused because she doesn't want to make it harder for Maddox to get to her."

"She _doesn't_ want to make it harder?" Confused, Ryan said, "I don't understand. Why would she-"

"'Cause he kidnapped little Castle to get to her. If he goes after her again, she doesn't want Maddox using them. She wants him to go after her directly."

Aghast, Ryan said, "That's crazy, she's going to get herself killed."

"You think I'm sitting out here for my health?" Esposito queried.

"But isn't there something else we can do?"

The other man shrugged his shoulders. "If we could get the information Maddox is looking for, maybe. But if we even try, he may go after Kate and Castle's family."

Ryan thought about this for a minute before saying, "So she and Castle are together now, I take it."

Esposito nodded.

"About damn time, too."

Ryan commented, "Lots of changes lately. First Beckett leaving, now her and Castle..."

Esposito grunted in agreement before adding his own comment. "Things can't stay the same forever. Whether we like it or not."

Unseen by either detective, a lone shadow peeled away from one of the buildings a little further down the street and began moving in the opposite direction, its pace neither quick nor slow, but rather patiently measured.

* * *

tbc


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** I appreciate the reviews and feedback from everyone!

* * *

The next morning, Kate awoke to the feeling of an arm draped across her body. She could tell by the uneven breath on her skin that Castle was awake, probably had been for some time. Allowing herself to enjoy the luxury of his touch, Kate rolled from her side onto her back so that she could see him.

He was indeed awake.

"You stayed," he said by way of morning greeting.

Kate bit her lip, not wanting to be untruthful. "I almost left," she confessed.

"But you changed your mind."

"Your mom..." She took a deep breath, bracing herself for this conversation. "Your mom saw me leaving and stopped me. She convinced me to wait until this morning."

Noncommittal, Castle stated, "My mother gives surprisingly good advice sometimes."

Kate shut her eyes, wishing she could just give into the temptation of being a part of this family. But there were realities to face in the harsh light of day. "I'm so scared, Castle," she told him. "I don't know what to do here."

"We'll figure it out together," he assured her.

He reached up his hand to push back a few stray hairs from her face before gently cupping her cheek. She could feel the puffiness of her black eye and wondered how frightful she must look.

"I can't hide from this," she said.

"I know."

"And I can't run. That means I have to go back to my own apartment, Castle."

His reaction to this declaration was as fierce as expected. "No, Kate. You can't go there. It isn't safe."

"Staying here isn't safe for you."

"He already broke into your apartment once."

Kate could not help but smile. As if the security of her apartment had anything at all to do with whether Maddox could hurt her. "Castle, he could get me the moment I step outside of this building."

"Then don't leave," he pleaded.

Taking his hand from her face, Kate placed a single kiss to his palm before placing it on her chest in the valley between her breasts. His breath hitched slightly as he touched the fabric covering her scar. And her heart.

"Castle, I love you," she said. "Whatever I have to do to keep you safe and keep the ones you love safe, I will do. Whatever I have to do, okay? So please stop arguing with me about this."

She sat up then, fighting against the soreness that pervaded her body. She forced herself not to gasp at the pain, not wanting Castle to hear. But he knew anyway as he sat up behind her and physically supported her.

"Let me get you a pain pill," he offered, but Kate quickly shook her head. She needed to stay clear-headed and not fall asleep again.

"I have to go back to my apartment," she reiterated.

Frowning, Castle said, "Breakfast first."

* * *

Sensing that Kate needed a little more time to compose herself before facing his family, Castle insisted that she stay in bed a little longer, and he brought her a tray of food including eggs, sausage, and fruit.

The first thing she asked upon his reentering the room was, "How's Alexis doing?"

"She's good," he said simply. "Worried about you, mostly."

Shaking her head, Kate wished there was a way to go back and do things over. She had wanted her friendship with Alexis to develop naturally, as her relationship with Castle grew. But now, everything was so clouded and anxiety-ridden.

"She shouldn't worry," Kate said.

"Try telling her that. She started worrying about me when she was three and she hasn't stopped since."

"Castle..." she began, but he held up a hand to silence her.

"First food, then talking." He moved to feed her a bite of eggs, but she gave him a look with her head cocked and held her hand out for the fork."You can have it," he told her, handing it over. "But you have to eat every bite."

The food did look appetizing, especially considering how little she had actually eaten the night before. Plus, Castle stared expectantly as he reclined on the bed next to her. Alexis was not the only one worried about her. She took a tentative mouthful of eggs.

"This is really good," she commented.

"Glad you like it." With a sad sigh, he went on, "You know, this isn't how I thought our first breakfast in bed would happen."

She smiled at him. "You thought about our first breakfast in bed?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah. Except in my mind, it was always a big fancy event. Maybe rent a nice hotel room, order room service. I would feed you bite-sized morcels of the most amazing delicacies and you would make all these wonderful noises..."

Rolling her eyes, Kate had to fight the urge to grin. "What, no strawberries with chocolate fondue?" she asked.

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that. We will definitely have to try that."

The certainty of his declaration wiped the amused smile from her face as she realized that it was still nothing but a fantasy. All their plans, their dreams together, none of it could happen until their lives returned to normal, until Maddox was no longer a threat.

"I think I should get dressed," she said, leaving the rest of her plate untouched.

* * *

After she got dressed, Castle did everything he could to talk her out of going back to her own apartment. But Kate was adamant that she needed to clean up whatever damage Maddox had wrought. While she made no commitment to staying another night at the loft, she used the unerring logic that if she did stay, she would need another change of clothes anyway.

"I'm coming with you," he declared as she pulled on her clothes from the day before.

"No, I need to do this alone."

"Why?" Castle demanded, unrelenting. "So you'll be by yourself if he goes after you again?"

"Yes!" she exlaimed. "That is exactly why I need to go alone."

Silence filled the void left by her statement as Castle just stared at her mutely. She realized a moment later that she was physically shaking from the force of the emotions running through her.

"I understand you're scared," he said finally. "And I understand that you want to protect Alexis. Trust me, I know what that feels like, that all-encompassing fear. But Kate, you don't need to protect _me_. I'm here for you, no matter what."

She tried to speak, but the words got caught in her throat, so wrapped up in emotion. She managed only, "Castle..." before he was wrapping his arms around her.

"If you want to go to your apartment, we'll go. _We_ will go. I'm coming with you. No arguments," he said.

With a nod, she relented. However, by the time they reached the street and he hailed a cab, the fear gripping her was so strong that she feared that a PTSD attack was coming on. Her vision began to tunnel and she heard Castle's voice in her head from that horrible day at the cemetery. _"Stay with me, Kate. I love you."_

Just as a cab pulled up to the curb at Castle's beckoning, something happened. Maybe someone honked a horn. Maybe a spray beam of light reflected off of a parking meter. Maybe she picked up on some movement from one of the people on the street, the kind of thing that when the conscious mind could not process it, long practice and experience allowed the unconscious mind to take over. Kate could not say for sure what it was, only that she felt as though something reached inside of her and squeezed all the air from her lungs while sending chills through her veins.

Instinctively, she grabbed Castle and pulled him back into the lobby of his building. The doorman eyed them curiously as she pushed herself against the wall, out of sight of the street outside. She had one arm thrown protectively across Castle, her eyes closed tightly as she struggled to remain calm.

Maddox was out there somewhere, Kate knew. He could be coming after her any time, and there was really nothing she could do about it. If she tried to hide, holed up at Castle's loft or the house in the Hamptons, he could go after Alexis. Or Martha, or her dad... By the same token, if she tried to run, to leave the state completely, he could do the same thing.

There were no other choices.

Kate had to go outside. She had to face it, even if it meant living her life as a target.

Beside her, Castle watched with concern as she calmed her breathing and forced her eyes open. He did not ask any questions, only said in a soft voice, "We don't have to go."

"I do have to," she responded. "But you should stay here."

She knew it wouldn't work, that he would ignore her suggestion, but she had to try.

"I won't let you go alone," Castle said.

Sighing, Kate let him follow her out of the building and into the cab. She sighed with relief as he pulled the car door shut behind them and gave the cab driver the address to her building. Nothing had happened. No sniper bullets. No bombs. No random stabbings. They were okay.

Castle took her hand in his, deliberately interlacing their fingers. Squeezing his hand in return, she realized that it helped. Having him with her helped.

* * *

"Where are they going?" Ryan asked as Esposito pulled the car into traffic several cars behind the cab Beckett and Castle had gotten into.

"Hell if I know. Maybe her apartment?"

Both of the detectives were tired from their long stake-out, having only slept in alternating shifts, but neither complained as they followed the couple through the city streets.

"I hate tailing cabs," Esposito complained, keeping a close eye on the one they were following. "They're so easy to get mixed up. One minute you're following a six foot male suspect, the next minute the cab stops and out steps some little old lady."

"I just make note of the cab number," Ryan said with a shrug.

"How am I supposed to remember a cab number?"

"It's easy. The one Castle and Beckett are in is 8073."

Esposito squinted at the tiny number displayed on the plaque on top of the yellow car. "How can you read that?" he demanded.

"You _can't_ read that?" Ryan asked, incredulous.

"No, I can't read that, 'cause I'm a person, not some sort of bird."

Pointing, Ryan said, "Okay, they just turned. Yeah, this is definitely the way to Beckett's apartment. Didn't you say it was trashed?"

"Yeah, probably by Maddox looking for those files," Esposito confirmed.

"Think we should follow them up or just wait down here?"

The hispanic detective frowned in thought. "If they stay up there longer than it takes for her to get a couple changes of clothes, then we'll go up."

"Yeah, but what if they're... you know..."

It took Esposito a moment to understand what his partner was implying, but once he did he grimaced and said, "Eww... man, don't even go there."

Ryan continued, "I'm just saying, I walked in on my parents one time, and that is an experience I'd prefer not to repeat."

"I doubt they would want to... do _that_ anyway," Esposito said. "With everything that happened yesterday and Beckett so beat up..."

"I don't know," his partner said. "There's that whole reaffirming life thing. And at her place, they'd have privacy away from his mom and kid..."

"Okay, stop talking about this. Right now." Taking a cleansing breath, Esposito glanced at his partner. "We'll give them twenty minutes. Then we go up."

Ryan nodded in agreement with the plan and they continued to follow the cab in silence.

* * *

tbc


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Okay, last chapter. If there's interest, I may write an epilogue. Thanks for sticking with this story despite the angst and thanks for all the great feedback!

* * *

The trip to her apartment felt like took no time at all, and by the time they had reached her front door, Kate's panic had almost completely subsided. Even the sight of the crime scene tape across her theshold did not give her pause. She simply pulled it off and let it hang from the exterior molding as she unlocked and pushed the door open.

Inside her apartment was a wreck. Every cubboard in the kitchen had been emptied. Books lay toppled in piles on the floor. Her couch was upended and paintings pulled off the walls, their paper backings ripped open to ensure nothing was hidden inside. The sight made her skin crawl as Kate realized that this was probably how burglary victims felt - violated. There was no way she could spend the night here alone.

"Kate, I'm so sorry," Castle said as they surveyed the damage. There were items broken, unnecessarily, such as little nick-knacks and dishes. The kind of things which clearly did not conceal files, and yet they met with destruction anyway.

"They're just things," she said, attempting to hide the sadness in her voice. She had no intention of pointing out which of the ruined 'things' her mother had given her or those which she had bought on her own.

He sighed as he began picking up objects from the floor. Kate picked her way across the kitchen and into the living room, taking care not to step on anything that might be salvageable. She checked the paintings first to make sure they were not completely ruined. Luckily, only the backs had been ripped and not the paintings themselves. That was an easy fix.

Next she began gathering up the more important books. She stacked Castle's books first, including the ones with dedications. She smiled as she retrieved her somewhat singed copy of _In a Hail of Bullets_. Her first book actually signed by Richard Castle. It had made it through the explosion at her last apartment and she was happy it was still intact. The Nikki Heat books likewise fared quite well considering the meticulous destruction of her home.

Next Kate moved towards the room which held the murder board for her mother's case. She wanted to take everything down, whatever was left, and box it up. Maybe even burn it. However, as she entered the room, she stopped short.

Cole Maddox.

He was just sitting there staring at her, a gun on his lap.

She took two steps back and as did so, he sprung from his seated position like predator going after its prey. He raised the gun and aimed it at her center mass with the calm professionalism of the trained killer he was. As she backed into the living room, he followed.

"Detective Beckett," he said, and the noise caused Castle to look in their direction, instantly dropping the plate he had just retrieved from the ground, the sound if it shattering on the floor reverberating from the high ceilings and windows. The noise prompted Maddox to flick his gaze towards Castle and Kate instantly stepped to the side in an effort to keep the shooter between herself and the writer.

"And this must be the famous Richard Castle," Maddox commented without emotion.

Castle stepped forward but Kate turned to shake her head at him. Her heart was pounding in her ears, the adrenaline playing everything in slow motion.

Maddox ordered, "Both of you, stay exactly where you are."

"Just let him go," Kate responded, surprising herself with the calmness in her own voice. "This is between you and me."

The assassin seemed to consider this a moment, cocking his head to the side as he regarded the writer behind her. But a moment later, he shook his head.

"No, Detective, he pretty much got himself into the middle of this," Maddox answered. Then, addressing Castle directly, he asked without preamble, "Where are the files?"

The writer did not even pretend to misunderstand him. "Smith had them," he said. "Or whatever his name was."

"Smith had copies. He wouldn't say what he did with the originals."

"Then I suppose you'll have to take that up with him," Castle said, even though at that point it was clear - Smith must be dead.

Glaring as he spoke, Maddox stated, "I know he was in contact with you. He made at least one phone call to you a few days before I found him."

Kate could barely hear the words over the pounding of her heart. Unfortunately, the sound grew even louder as Maddox targeted her with his eyes. "And you lied to me, Detective. You made it sound as though Mr. Castle here wasn't involved in any of this."

"He isn't involved," she insisted. "He was only trying to protect me."

Castle took a step to the side and Kate twitched slightly as she realized by the location of his voice that he was no longer between her and the man who had shot her and kidnapped Alexis.

"I don't have them and neither does Kate," he said. "We don't even know who Smith was, let alone who he would give the files to."

"Now see, I don't believe you," Maddox responded.

He cocked the trigger of his weapon - Kate noted that it was a 9mm handgun with a silencer attached - and she flinched at the sound, desperately fighting against the panic that threatened to rise up and take over.

Castle's voice shook slightly as he spoke. "You have a gun pointed at one of the most important people in my life," he stated. "If I had the files, I would hand them over this instant."

Maddox's eyes narrowed and Kate noticed him grip the gun more tightly, his finger hovering over the trigger. Unconsciously, she moved slightly so as to keep Castle's body blocked once more.

"I already told you, I'm done with this case," she said with all earnestness. "If your employer wants me dead, then just kill me and go. Leave Castle and his family alone."

Castle quickly jumped in. "Whoever your employer is, we're done searching for him. And you can shoot us if you want to, but you should keep one thing in mind. The mayor is a friend of mine and he will assign a special task force to investigate our murders. And my family will spend every last dime to find you and your employer. Is that really the kind of clean-up operation you want to be running here?"

Kate waited for a response from the assassin, ready to launch herself at the man if necessary. She only hoped Castle would have enough sense to run while she had Maddox distracted rather than try to assist her. Of course, in her heart of hearts, she knew he would never do that. He would never leave her.

But her plans proved unnecessary as Maddox slowly eased his finger off the trigger of the gun. She could see the urgency in his grip relax as he motioned for her and Castle to get on the ground of the living room, leaving him with a clear line towards the door.

She and Castle complied with the silent command, both lying down on the hardwood floor. Kate hoped this wasn't going to end exactly as Castle had described, with both of them dead and their friends and family left to search for the killer. It was not the kind of legacy she wanted to leave behind. But as much as she despised herself for getting Castle involved, she was grateful for his presence. At least she would not have to die alone. At least she could look into his eyes as it happened.

The sound she heard next was familiar - a sort of chiming noise accompanied by a buzzing. Looking up, she noticed Maddox remove something from his pocket - a cell phone. Probably a burner phone, by the looks of it, she decided. Keeping one eye on them and the other on the phone, he read whatever message he had been texted then stowed the phone back in his pocket. If his face showed an expression of annoyance, he masked it quickly.

"This isn't over," Maddox said, his words bringing elation. "If I find out that either of you have those files, Detective Beckett..." He began the threat, but let it trail off. "Or if you begin investigating this case again... If you so much as stumble upon anything that I don't like... Well, I already told you the consequences. Consider this your very last warning."

And with that, Maddox left, his booted feet moving through the shattered apartment with the stealthiness of a jungle cat.

Kate and Castle lay on the ground for a moment, staring at each other, both too stunned to move. Finally, Castle sat up and looked around to ensure the assassin was gone. Kate likewise turned her gaze towards the door, then back to the man sitting next to her.

"I think... we just got off with a warning," Castle said.

"I think so too," she said, not daring to tempt fate.

A fraction of a second later, his arms were around her, holding her gently even as she hugged him back as tightly as she could. And as dramatically as the breaking of a dam, Kate's emotional walls started to crumble. She felt like she had been giving a pardon from death row, an eleventh hour reprieve. The deal which Smith had brokered was apparently back on - as long as she stayed away from the case, Maddox would leave them all alone, assuming he didn't find the files in the mean time.

She had no idea who had sent Maddox that text message or what had prompted it. Maybe his employer had second thoughts. Maybe he just considered killing the two of them too much trouble. Maybe the files were in the hands of a friendly force. Whatever the reasons, they were still alive and Maddox was gone once more.

It was as close to a resolution as Kate could hope for, and she clung to Castle with unfathomable relief.

"Kate, when you told him to shoot you..." She felt his body shudder under her touch and she squeezed him a little tighter.

"It's okay," she soothed him. "We're both okay."

But Castle pulled away from her, his hands gripping her shoulders as he looked her in the eye.

"Don't you ever do that again," he said. "I really thought he was going to do it."

Before she could respond, he pulled her back into a crushing embrace. The adrenaline from the encounter with Maddox had begun to wear off, but she ignored the pain caused by his touch on her bruised skin. For the first time in 24 hours, she did not feel the need to separate herself from this man. She could actually touch him without guilt whispering in her ears that she was going to get him killed, that she was going to ruin his life.

"I love you," she said, the confession and the tightness of his arms around her leaving her breathless. "I love you so much."

And for several minutes, he just held her as they sat together on the floor of her apartment, giving her all the comfort and security his body could convey.

A little while later, Castle said, "Okay, I think it's time to go home."

While he removed his arms from her, he kept one of her hands firmly held in his as he stood up and pulled her up with him.

"I should clean this place up..." she began, but he was already shaking his head.

"No, we're going home."

The way he said it, the way his eyes held hers as tightly as his arms had held her body, she almost forgot how to breath. And then his lips were on her mouth and breathing was forgotten as completely unnecessary.

"I'm taking you home," Castle said again when they broke apart, his tone firm and unyielding. His meaning was clear.

Home. The loft. Their home.

"I should pack some clothes," Kate attempted once more.

"I'll buy you new ones," he said, just wanting to get her away from there. Kate suspected that he might hire someone to clean up her things, to restore the items which could be fixed and to deal with the ones which had been turned to garbage.

But before he could lead her out of the apartment, through the open door they heard footsteps coming down the hall. A moment later, Ryan and Esposito appeared, both with guns drawn.

"Are you two okay?" Esposito demanded.

"We saw Maddox leave," Ryan explained. "Couldn't catch him before he took off, but we got a partial plate."

"We're fine," Kate attempted to reassure them as Castle let her go. "He didn't hurt us."

Looking around at her apartment as he returned his personal weapon in a concealed leg holster, Esposito commented, "Did he do this today or yesterday?"

"Yesterday," she answered. "And Ryan, lose that partial plate."

The detective - the only active duty officer in the room - blinked at her in surprise. "Lose it?" he repeated.

Suddenly remembering that her orders to keep Gates out of the loop had left her hanging by herself on the ledge of a building and Esposito suspended for two months, Kate shook her head. "No, forget I said that. Just..." She sighed. "It sounds like from what Maddox said, if we leave this alone, if we don't continue the investigation..."

She trailed off, not sure how to explain.

"If you leave it be, he won't come after you again?" Esposito surmised.

Beside her, Castle nodded. "I thought he was going to kill us. But while he was here, he got a text message from someone. Then he gave us a warning and left."

"So the deal is back on. Maybe you have a new secret ally who got hold of those files."

"Maybe."

The four former team members looked at each other, none of them sure whether to be apprehensive or relieved at this turn of events.

After a moment, Castle put an arm around Kate. "Thanks for all your help, guys. I'm going to take Kate home."

Esposito grinned at them. "Yeah, no problem, bro."

Ryan was staring. He must have seen them together at the crime scene, but knowing the Irish detective, he'd likely looked away. He seemed curious about their change of relationship status but unwilling to voice questions.

"Yeah, I've got to report back to the captain," he said. Looking at Kate, he asked, "You're sure he's not going to come after you again?"

She took a deep breath before answering, filling her lungs with both air and her newly restored freedom. "I'm not sure of anything Ryan, but what we got is the closest thing to a confirmation we're likely to get," she told him.

Ryan nodded, and Castle walked with her out of the apartment, already talking about the vacation he planned to take her on.

"We'll go to the Hamptons," he said. Then, excitedly, he amended it to, "No, the Virgin Islands. I've got a friend with a house down there. Or maybe Aruba. Oh, have you ever been to Hawaii...?"

As Castle walked with her to the door of her apartment, their fingers still entwined, Kate realized that this wasn't the end. It was just the beginning.

* * *

_fin_


End file.
